Pleasure Ureself: A Practical Guide to being Fat and Jellus

Part 5: Eating out

following on from an insight into how I personally stay so fat and jellus I thought a few ideas on how to deal with eating out would be in order. Restaurants can be scary places for those on a fat and jellus mission: all those salads and offers of dressings on the side, grilled fish and fruit for pudding - it can be an absolute minefield for the unwary.

But Panic not, a few golden rules will help you eat out and still pack on the pounds!

The Choice of restaurant is crucial! never ever pick a restaurant that has the words "Salad", "Jacket Potato" or "Grilled" on the board if you can possibly manage it. I know there will be times when you have no choice and in those situations your only recourse is to carry a tub of lard with you in your handbag (my new travel sizes of the all original lard gel are perfect for this) and smear it on every course you have. Restaurants that deep fry everything are perfect - you can eat safe in the knowledge that everything you eat will be deep fried! In more upper class establishments, just make sure you order a large fries with everything that you order (ideally your starter too) and try and fit in as many courses as possible. This idea that three of four courses is the norm is archaic!

Although I'm not a fan of the Golden Arches personally, dont dismiss it as a venue for regular food - you've all seen "Supersize Me" right? Just imagine what that diet with a healthy serving of lard on the side could do for a person!

(By the way Im slightly concerned that Pleasure Ureself has far too many words, I see that the Panty Mantis has run out of positive affirmations in her book Treasure Ureself and is recyling the ones she posted at the beginning, so I may need to pair down some of the sections in Pleasure Ureself. I will, of course, keep you updated)