Thursday, 28 July 2011

The hallowed day

yes yes fatties, its arrived!

The Panty Mantis is back in Oz, all those weeks of reliving the last 4 years of her life over and over and over again to pump up the buzz is finally over and the "the most gawguss supamodel in the land" is back on home ground.

Ok so thats the hot news.. now onto more practical matters...

please can someone explain this as a modelling pose:

I keep looking at while Im eating my tub of lard and just not getting it... Its probably because Im fat n jellus and not lyving the lyfe but I suspect there is an outside chance THIS is not something any other model thinks of as a good plan in front of a camera....

But its good to see the cloven hooves are back again :)

Monday, 18 July 2011


and there was I quietly worrying that my enthusiasm for snarking (particularly, of course, the panty mantis) was a little OTT

(as with my love of lard , all things fat, specially adapted household furniture, being jellus etc etc but you know that)

well, fellow fatties, panic not! This below is the definition of over-enthusiasm on a particular subject

there - do you all feel relieved?

in other hideously boring news, the PM is resharing the tales of her 27 Year labour, the fact that she didnt really want Orlando anyway and her white ball of light to anyone that will listen...

I do love it when she goes home.......

Monday, 11 July 2011


You see, THIS is what happens to a person when they choose to let one of the hallowed interviews from the Panty Mantis pass them by...

she releases two in one day!

ok ok , i submit Panty Mantis, there is only so much a (non-super) woman can take...

So, to the second offering of today, courtesy of the Daily Mail:

According to them the Panty Mantis found the birth of Flynkerr so painful she had an out of body experience....... its funny I thought they more normally referred to that as anaesthetic.....

Ooooh yes! silly me! I keep forgetting the poor stick insect gave birth 100% naturally, with no drugs whatsoever and only her husband peeing in a bottle for solace as opposed to taking what seems the more obvious choice.... a C section!

Now can someone please tell me WHY WE ARE STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS..... please....

Sunday, 10 July 2011

A Groovy Mantis?

I think the build up to the Heralded visit back home for the Panty Mantis has started - a new day is starting to mean a new, and equally inane, article about her lyving the lyfe!

This mornings offering comes courtesy of the Brisbane Times. Again you'll see she was prepared to consider staying fat n jellus but she lost the weight using Cardio (hence all those gym shots recently), yoga, and something Orlando owns that she can swim against - the last vestiges of his freedom? is imprisoned manglobes perhaps?

Its good to hear that today, after eating fries yesterday, she tackled a fried chicken today - though to be honest PM you kinda need to be eating the fries, the fried chicken and ten tubs of Original Lard Gel daily to make an impact.

Im a little lost that she chants "'I am a healthy, vibrant being of love and light" every morning - I thought that was her dog? perhaps they have united into one vibrant ball of light together?

Anyone want to put a guess on exactly how many of these breastfeeding interviews we're going to get before she arrives to tumultuous applause back home? - my guess is many!

Saturday, 9 July 2011

Red hot Panty Mantis

What a treat! The Panty Mantis has decided to share with us the details of her so private and perfect lyfe, I was truly excited when i got shown the link by one of the fat n jellus girls from Delphi :)

Whilst Im sure there is absolutely no connection, its lovely to see that the questions on the minds of the interviewers at Perth Now! seem to be troubled by exactly the same issues that have been haunting us fat n jellus ones, making us cry into our lard pots and sink lower into our oversized chairs.. shall we take a look at a few highlights?:

"After a few more shots, she takes the opportunity to feed Flynn again, while also feeding herself a plate of salmon and spinach, and a side of fries. "I need the carbs," she says."

excellent, I dont know about you but extremely glad to see that although she may yet again resemble a walking stick insect, she hasnt totally lost her fat n jellus leanings! keep up with that Panty Mantis and one fine day we may be able to welcome you back to the fold.

"When I was pregnant, I thought, 'It doesn't matter if I get a stretch mark or if my body doesn't come back'," she says. "During the birth process, I gave everything over to him, and let go of any attachment I had to myself. I wanted him to be healthy and it didn't matter what happened to me. "

Well if I was a cynical fat n jellus cow my eyebrow would be raising rather high at this one, but obviously, having experienced the true freedom that comes with being fat n jellus, the ability to eat as much lard as you like etc - I am sure shes being absolutely truthful - after all, whats not to like about being fat, puffy and jellus.

""If you're comfortable in your own skin, you allow others to be comfortable in theirs. Don't compare yourself to someone else. "

ahhhh sorry panty mantis, its just that you're lyfe is so perfect and you have orlando all to ureself, its hard not to draw some comparisons

now, bring on the royal polo match - nothing will make my day more than seeing classy and arsy in the same shot!

(yes yes, I know - no lyfe of my own, fat n jellus etc etc etc)

Monday, 4 July 2011

Flogging a Dead Horse

ok So I think the majority of answers I got were the right way round for my spot the difference competition...

As a post script, definately at the risk of being accused of flogging a dead horse, and to prove that cut- out dresses can still look both revealing and classy: Ms Moss again modelling a rather fetching number, Im not entirely keen on the hair it has to be said but still..

I wont put the "how not to" example up again, if you're anything like me, the less you have to look at the Panty Mantis the better...

Friday, 1 July 2011

Spot the Difference..

Combining my girl crush on Kate Middleton and Fat n Jellus tendencies where the Panty Mantis is concerned is actually working out rather well, you'll be pleased to hear!

Take these two photos for example and these captions below and tell me which you think goes with which??

Caption 1: A sophisticated and fresh look for an evening event
Caption 2: A decidedly unsophisticated look for an evening event (plus I think that shes chewed off half the dress in frustration!)

Image A:

Image B:

Answers on a post card please!