Wednesday, 16 February 2011

Writers Block

OK Im going to say what must be apparent to anyone that regularly reads here - Im suffering with a bad case of writers block! Ever since I had the notion that to continue to report on someone being so incredibly stupid was not only tiresome but also perhaps in itself could be classed as stupid Ive been failing to see the wit...

The idea the panty mantis is thicker than a redwoods trunk isnt exactly news any more....

Of course she continues to deliver such gems via twitter and facebook to her random online people close online friends such as the naming of poor flinker after her dead ex boyfriend (Orlando evidently either has returned his man globes to the clamper, is extremely understanding or doesnt give a shit what she does). She privately continues to deliver to her avid readership intricate details of her daily routine AND of course we have had the first post flinker shots of her with her boobs swinging round her navel (Bras are a fabulous invention Panty Mantis, particularly when you actually have breasts). All in all its much of the same.

The other dynamic of course is the horrifying prospect that, despite my best efforts, I've inadvertently developed a life. No amount of consumption of Lard has managed to effect this so far - but dont worry i will keep fighting the good fight.

So what was I saying here? Ah yes, posts will be a little more spaced out for the moment until a) I regain interest or b) Orlando ceases to be ritually tortured by his mantis....

Sunday, 13 February 2011

Ask Men

Well i rolled around on the floor with laughter at the this next one. Whatever its other faults you have to hand it to the Panty Mantis' blog - its an absolute master of spinning sh*t!

It reports proudly here that our very own favourite Mantis came number 5 in the "Ask Men" Australia poll.. What I'm most amused by is the fact that they are surprised by the outcome. I cant think of many other Australians out there at the moment (if you can call what the mantis has been doing being "out there") who take their clothes off as much as she does, provide regular updates on how their boobies are looking and spend as much time chatting to random people online close online friends as she does.

More exciting perhaps would have been an announcement that the Panty Mantis wasnt listed in the Ask Men Poll because she'd actually spent the previous year keeping her private parts under wraps... yes i know, Hell will freeze over first! But still, THAT would be worth reporting!

I think its more of a wonder that she didnt come first... though actually looking at number 4 - whose photo consists of a pair of well developed boobies covered in a couple of feathers - it does rather make sense...

Never mind Mantis - perhaps if you work the feathery booby vibe next year - you could come fourth too.

Uniglo round 2

Obviously even Uniglo have realised an "Ive been tangoed approach" is not the best look for a winter campaign - here is one of the latest shots of Orlando doing the modelling thing. At least he's less Orange this time - though I'm personally not convinced by what he's selling (particularly that first look), hes doing a good job modelling!

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

Party Time

I really wasnt going to do an update - my creative streak seems to have a bad case of bordom with our favourite couple - but with set upon set of Orlando out partying minus his pet Mantis all over the place, the temptation was too much...

He's been at a variety of different parties over the last few days, all without the Mantis and all where he looks like he's enjoying himself - here's hoping this is the new way forward....

The Panty Mantis meanwhile has "privately" been sharing the details of her private life with random online people her closest friends. ONe of the more amusing ones for me had to be her saying she had to go because "we" were are all sitting down to dinner... I wonder if she was using the royal 'we' - because Orlando was out for the evening and I'm imagining Flinker is a little young to be sitting up and enjoying a four course meal with his Mantis mummy....

and if you really want laugh (and this is cruel, even for me) check out the David Jones winter catalogue here but I warn you - this is not for the faint hearted (and I imagine provides the explanation for the lack of post baby shots of the PM....

Friday, 4 February 2011

Legs Eleven..

Now, I'm know i'm slightly late on this one ( I seem to have grown a life momentarily - an absolute no no for the fat'n'jellus, but Wanda and Joders are working this through with me as we speak) - but I thought you'd all like to know that Orlandos practice runs at escaping from the Panty Mantis are going well... Here he is practicing a quick exit on his Ducati .... The only thing I'd say is that perhaps he needs to get a less flashy bike, Even the Panty Mantis is sure to realise its him....

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

Specul measures

I was contemplating a post this morning, but was slightly lacking in material, so I thought I wouldnt bother.... until, that is, I thought i'd just give that mine of information (Other wise known as the Panty Mantis' blog) a look for inspiration..

lets just say she didnt dissapoint (thanks PM)

I think i'm actually spoilt for choice... But I'm going to pick her salient advice on how to avoid stretch marks (I thought mantis women didnt get them genetically, but anyway)

are you ready.... because this is truly special - and there is NO WAY I would of thought of this first stage ...

Step one: After showering – towel dry

Wow....... Im just so enlightened by that edifying comment

I'll let that gem sink in .... ok?


Step two: Dry body brush after each shower (if you dry body brush AFTER the shower, your body will be clean and fresh), use the towel to remove any skin remaining after brushing

what? no miracle cream by Kora....

Step three: Apply KORA Organics Enriched Body Lotion to soften, moisturise, protect and nourish the skin. Over your entire body paying particular attention to your stomach, breasts, thighs and buttocks.

PHEW - i was getting worried

I think she's missing step four out though... allow me :

Step Four: MAke sure your breasts thighs and buttocks are in full camera shot of your favourite photographer, post it on the net and allow the world to privately see your privates , all in the name of health and beauty...

I cant' believe she left step four out...... still I guess that last one must be like a reflex to her by now, and it didnt cross her mind to note it down!