Tuesday, 12 October 2010

Pleasure Ureself: A Practical Guide to being Fat and Jellus

Part II: Being a fat cow!

Ok, so hopefully you are now working hard on your jealousy technique from yesterdays installment. Today its time to work on being fat!
Now I do realise that the majority of us are fat already. After all, its fairly hard to be fat and jellus and want Orlando all to yourself if you are thin! But, my fellow fatties, you should continue to strive for even greater achievements with your weight. Believe me, you really arent anywhere near your goal until you need a forklift truck to remove you from your sofa every morning.

A useful trick that i use is the power of positive thought (you’ll see that this has a different focus to the art of positive affirmation). I can give you an example if you stand in front of an all you can eat buffet and think ‘I cant fit anything else in’ you’ll probably find that final cake will elude you. Similarly if you think "I can eat everything on that table, and then go out for dinner" you’ll find you can!

I would suggest writing down a few of your thoughts in a pad to carry with you, should the thought starving yourself cross your mind.
Here are a few of mine:

- I am fat and Jellus and know I want Orlando all to myself (Slapparr)
- Never Eat more than you can lift (Miss Piggy)
- My favourite food is seconds (anon)
- I’m fat therefore I am (anon)
- I’m already two years behind on my fat allowance, I’m looking for skinny people to see if I can borrow theirs (Jo Brand)

Just a few to get you going.


  1. Smile (a toothless smile). Every 7 minutes someone doing aerobics pulls a hamstring - Dove Promises Chocolate

  2. I have never been fat until about a year ago, I have always had a fairly high metabolism rate. I had always wondered would it would be like to have a permanent pillow that was always with you sleeping waking not matter where you went. Then to my pleasant surprise I found out that actually being fat is actually healthy that is being fit and fat. I decided to become fat, going from 180 to now 235. I found in order to gain the weight and stay nice a fat it is best to gain it very slowly, that way it will next to impossible to lose the weight and I will always remain nice a fat. Well once I got my nice big pillow for a stomach I was amazed how great I felt and looked, I was completely different purpose. Being nice a fat with a pillow for a stomach is not what I thought it would it is really great. Now that I am fat I look back on it and I really wish I had been fat a long time ago.