Sunday, 17 October 2010

Pleasure Ureself: A Practical Guide to being Fat and Jellus

Part 4: Designing your favourite room of the house

It seems a small point but having the correct environment in which to practice is a crucial part of being Fat and Jellus. In most cases this means the Kitchen. That hallowed environment that is key to any aspiring fat and jellus person.

Make I make the following suggestions?

A bright and airy kitchen will do you no favours, all though no doubt you are fat (or aspiring to be fat) and proud but do you want the world to know the secret of your success? Far better, surely, to have your neighbours mavel and your amazing weight gain! Instead make your Kitchen dark and cosy - you can stuff your face in private and keep your fatty secrets to yourself!

The Fridge is also key to a properly equipped kitchen - unfortunately most fridges are not large enough to hold enough food for the truly committed - I'd suggest you identify an entire wall for this purpose, if you share your living space, make sure that you have locked doors - you dont want to be coming down, in the zone, to found someone has eaten your entire supply of lard. Also beware of the brightness of fridge lights - it can be most disconcerting and is a health and safety risk - In your new dark and cosy kitchen, never approach the fridge from your couch without your sunglasses on.

The last point i'd like to make: ensure that your doors are wide enough, you don't want to reach the crucial goal to find you cant get out of the door - there is no point in achieving the fat and then not being able to share the jellusy!



    This makes me feel better. Unfortunately, with the stomach bug I currently have, the 'stuffing my face' part isn't working too well. I'd hate to fall behind the rest of you fatties.

  2. oh noes - don't worry GH when you are recovered I can work with you to help you regain any weight youve inadvertently lost...

  3. Ooh! Ooh! I have the perfect room! My walk in pantry! It's already full of food (including bags of chips and chocolate) and when you close the door, the light goes out! I'm getting to be an expert on this fat and jellus thing!!

    I didn't even consider the door width thing, though. I'll have to get out my tape measure to make sure I've got enough space :P

  4. thats a great start Joders, you may wish to create enough room for a comfy arm chair to sit in while you stuff, and of course a TV is good to while away the hours necessary to achieve the appropriate width

    Many a fatty has been caught out by the door width though, and have had to undo all the hard work they had already put in.....