Saturday, 20 November 2010
Part 7: Overstepping the mark
By now you must all be making excellent progress towards your goals of being completely Fat n Jellus. The long hours of munching away and looking at pre-mantis photos of Orlando are starting to pay off, but how do you know when you have reached your goal weight and need to move to a maintenance diet?
I would be being an irresponsible author if I didnt say that whilst being incredibly fat and jellus is obviously the goal, there are levels you could take it to which would start to endanger your health.
Generally speaking, if you have to ring your local authorities to airlift you out of the house every time you want to go out, you've probably gone just that bit too far. Other warning signs are when you fingers get to fat to type even on your specially adapted fatty keyboard - this is not only a health warning but practically difficult: How are you going to contribute to the worldwide fat n jellus community if you are no longer able to use even an adapted computer?
Luckily the remedy is pretty easy - I would recommend a day or two of the Delphi Diet. (for those not in the know this involves looking at and hearing the Panty Mantis in action, a few moments of her jiggling her bits around is usually enough to cause projectile vomiting, if that doesnt work, try turning the sound up and listening to her voice too)
WARNING: DO NOT USE THE DELPHI DIET FOR MORE THAN A DAY IN ANY THREE MONTH PERIOD, EVIDENCE SUGGESTS IT ALSO DOES PERMANENT DAMAGE TO THE BRAIN