Part 6: A few practical aids
In the build up to my beautiful lard effect covered volume's release date (which I know you are all going to buy so that you and your families can Pleasure yourselves down the generations (hmm thats starting to sound rude....)) I have a few more practical aids for your consideration. In most cases these come into their own once you have put about 75% of your target weight on.
I Mentioned this yesterday but one of the best things you can do early on is to buy a stomach extender (such as our panty mantis was wearing yesterday in her "advert"). These are normally used by pregnant women to stop tummy droop as they get bigger but just think how well this adapts to the average fat n jellus cow. You will be piling on weight nice and fast thanks to my Lard diet and Ensurient Corpulence's All Original Lard Gel and weight put on fast tends to go to your tummy first before spreading out to a nice fat layer more evenly - you dont want a droopy tummy during this process now do you? Fat and Jellus is one thing, Fat and droopy is something COMPLETELY different, trust me!
The other thing I wanted to suggest for your consideration was a stair lift. Now I know that these are more normally used for the infirm (in fact my great auntie had one for a while) but they an also be a perfect addition to the house if you are fat and jellus and want Orlando all to yourself. You burn a lot of calories using stairs of any sort and there is no point in using up valuable fat if you dont have to.
One final thing: I need a model to model some of the Ensurient Corpulence range and associated products. Joders, Wanda! Are either of you game?
Note to self, buy one stomach extender in black, white and nude tones.
ReplyDeleteNote to Slapparr - I only have 4 stairs and they are in my backyard. Considering I don't go into the backyard as I associate the outdoors with exercise (and completely against the rules when you are fat and jellus) do I still need to purchase a stair lift? I do have one small step up into the house at the front door, so perhaps if the stair lifts come in various sizes a small one might be appropriate?
Just tell me what I need to do to become a spokesmodel for the Ensurient Corpulence range of products and I'll be there!
@ Joders - you may possibly get away with a ramp if it really is only one step - i trust that on the rare occasions that you do have to go outside you are using an electric wheelchair to get from house to car?
ReplyDeleteThanks re the EC modelling gig - thats wonderful news! I'll get my people to contact your people to set up shooting times. one thing joders, can you give me your position on nudity.... i was thinking of a theme round back to nature..... you .. a tub of lard... a chain and perhaps a couple of koalas?
The only steps at my house are four up onto the decks on either side of the house, but one deck has a ramp. Should I consider a stair lift or not?
ReplyDeleteone thing joders, can you give me your position on nudity....
ReplyDeleteThat's a bit of a personal question, Slapparr. I'm too much of a laydee to discuss what positions I'm in when I'm nude (though I am remarkably flexible. Getting my leg behind my head is no trouble at all, getting it down is another question again....).
Sorry, what's that? That's not what you were asking? Ohhhhhhhh!
Well in that case, my achievements in the fat and jellus department lately indicate that we'll probably need more than a couple of koalas. Maybe we can throw in a kangaroo for good measure? I think the finished photographic marketing campaign is going to be very artistic and quite tasteful. I'm really very excited!