Orlando steps out again for Charity

Orlando may be quiet in real time (though apparently still in the uk) but he's still making his presence known. check out the media link here for general cuteness from some vid he did for a charity called the Lazarus effect.

what a shame the panty mantis is singularly unable to pull in the same jobs... Judging from her "so anti womens lib its unbelievable" latest photo shoot for VS i think she should do one for BEAT - she looks like someone suffering, maybe she could offer a few words of wisdom on that and stop threatening us all with nutritional advice... judging by that shoot she is mistakenly practicing her autographing skills....

Ahhh more words of Mantis Wisdom

Well, I was feeling a bit blue today, but THIS has made me feel so much better, allow me to translate (From GQ - its the Mantis' guide to dating)

GQ: I spot you in a bar, how should I style my approach?
MK (translated into english): Simply smile, come over and say hello. Nothing fancy and definitely no cheesy pick-up lines. There is nothing more attractive than a man who carries himself well, is confident but at the same time humble and open. If you really want to impress a woman you have to be brave enough to be yourself.
MK - Original Mantis: yew git owt yure credit cards, yure proowf of bank balanse and yew shew me howe yew will help mee live the lyfe!

GQ: We've done the small talk, shared a banquette, danced a little; now you're leaving with your friends. Too soon to ask for your number?
(MK - Trans)Life is too short so it's never too soon to ask. Even if you get the number, it's best not to assume anything. I am a big believer that friendship comes first. Women have a sixth sense and can tell when a man wants one thing. You'll have more luck with a woman if you are there for them - no strings attached.
MK- Orig. Mantis: shayred a banquette/ whot is thayt? is itt a newe posiztion? and Its nevar too sooyn phor mye phone number, in facyt if eye havent pole danced wiv youe by the ende of the nyght, there is somgthing wrong haw haw haw

GQ: Our first drink went well. How should I let you know I'm thinking of you? Is a text the next morning too soon?
MK - (Trans)Text away! It only makes a woman feel appreciated and again shows that you are confident. Life is so much more exciting when you live in the moment rather than impose rules on what you do and when you do it.
MK - (Orig. Mantis): yew cant texte if yew want but i cantnt see whye, eye'd be wright next tu yew

GQ: It is our second date and we are at the bar. A bunch of meat heads keep whistling and paying your long legs loud compliments. How should I protect your honour?
MK - (trans) See it for what it is and laugh it off. I like a man who is protective but I think it is a sign of weakness to have a fight. It's best to ignore them and just be focused on what we are talking about.
MK - (Orig.): eye'd recommeng yew lit them bee,eye lyke attenshion and eye'll probably see if they'd lyke to party too

GQ: We've only been seeing each other a couple of weeks but already it's your birthday. What do I get you?
MK - (Trans) Something thoughtful, not necessarily expensive, just something that has been well thought through. I love anything to do with nature and would prefer a beautiful shell in a place of an expensive piece of jewellery I will never wear.
MK - (Orig): the byggest most exhespensive gyft yew can fynde, ideally wyth butterflies on it

(Disclaimer: Obviously this is a humorous post for those of us that are fatnjellus, I am in no way suggesting that the Mantis' dating choices are influenced by any factor other than true love.....)

Ted and his awful truth...

Its gone a bit quite again on the OB front.. you notice yet again that the minute that that he and the panty mantis part company you don't hear anything from him for days at a time??

Ted C has kindly filled this gap of nothingness by doing an "awful truth" on OB.

Dear Ted:
You once said Orlando Bloom's and his girlfriends were "ridiculous pairings." Why ridiculous? I think Pirates gal Naomie Harris is perfect for him, a nice London based low-key beautiful young woman. Does this sound ridiculous also? Or are you and many others hoping he gets together with Jen Aniston, finally!
—C

Dear Yuck:
Because they never last—which is what he wants, just like Clooney. And no way to the J.A. hookup. If there's one thing Jen doesn't need, it's another boy in her life. When she finally hangs up the margarita glass and bikini, she needs a real man—which also disqualifies fratboy wannabe Gerard Butler

Ted C certainly serves it straight up when he writes about Orlando! I doubt the panty mantis will be very pleased to hear she's part of a ridiculous pairing - though I personally couldn't agree more.

I am, however, considering a nice-n-cheesy revamp of TSO a la Ted - seriously that photo he has up there, its like Oprah, Jerry Springer and the man from Delmonte all rolled into one... hmm maybe not :D

On the subject of the panty mantis, if you get a chance check out Inanity here, Joders has the inside track on the latest Victoria Sekrits photo shoot....

To: Orlando Bloom

Oye Orlando, Eye ahve yure cousin and yure dog, unless yew stop avioiding mee and bring mee back yure balls, i will hurte them both. As yew can see from this pikture yure cousin is already lookyng scared.

Acte now
Panty Mantis

Orlando and his Mum!

Aww Orlando was at the Ballet last night at a private event for Audi - and he took his mum, how cute!

Orlando certainly gets more appealing the longer he spends in the UK. Its nice to see him doing what I think is acceptable PR. i.e. Not selling his entire life to the press but just events here and there - if only he did this all the time...

Its also nice to see him with his family again, even if what he's wearing is singularly not appropriate for the Ballet. Still I guess dress codes have relaxed a bit nowadays.... last time I was at Glyndebourne, some guy was wearing JEANS? (no, it wasn't Orli lol).

The Panty Mantis was also happily absent from this event and instead was busying herself looking pissed off at a Victoria Secrets Gig in NYC, her push up, inflated bra to the fore and a bored expression on her face - bet she wishes she'd been with OB and his mum at Covent Garden, a wasted opportunity there Panty mantis if I may say..

Maybe OB has had a new security device fitted to his bollocks to stop her robbing them from him quite so easily - hope springs eternal....

Skeletor in a Nightgown and other things..

There are a few elements to my post-of-the-day, over the last 24 hrs rather a lot of things have ticked my fancy one way and another..

1) The panty mantis 'attended" some green envelope opening in New York looking like Skeletor in a nightgown. Stop! I hear you cry, so not news worthy.. well I'd agree with you but how could i resist this:

A respected friend elsewhere suggested she was trying to fly home to London, proving my point that Orlando can get away with the whole "flight ban" thing for a lot longer than he thinks!

2)Then there was our "fatjellushaterz" shout out (ok probably not in reality but bear with me).... apparently Skeletor (alias the Panty Mantis) bid/brought a Damien Hirst piece called "All you need is Jealousy" - that made me laugh a lot, is she trying to send the world a subtle message or is she revelealing her subsconcious internal reflections...

3) Finally that gospel of truth Twitter had a couple of OB mentions including one where he was chatting up a chick in Waitrose, now admittedly it isn't a nice 'n' kinky club like he seems to like in LA but it does lead me to suspect he may still be on home ground - I hope so for his sake, Skeletor was looking like her elbows could do some serious damage in that nightgown.

p.s another "old school" photo of OB as requested..... back in the days when the Timpsons man wouldn't of repeatedly twittered that Orli needed a hair cut!

Congratulations to our Celebrity Couple!

according to here they've made number 27 on the Zimbio (?) Celeb couples list. Actually, considering the amount of effort (and from what anomers said Money) thats gone in this year thats not very impressive. I thought a brief translation of the text might be in order seeing as its friday :D, here we go:

Orlando and Miranda have seen a nice boost this year in both their work and personal lives.

I would totally agree with you about the personal lives stuff, but where is your comment about work coming from?

He has no less than four movies coming out in 2010,

really?????? I can think of one thats out and one that got as far as a film festival - He's MADE 3 movies, but thats not the same thing as them coming out - I hope that bits true, its been a while since I've had the pleasure of OB on the big screen..

while she's all over the place recently

Sadly yes she is, its amazing what money can buy...

-- most notably in the exclusive Pirelli calendar

Poor old Panty Mantis, her sensibilities were upset after that one from what i heard, she "apparently" doesnt like getting her bits and pieces out??!?!??!?!? luckily, her actions speak louder than her words

and on the Prada runway. - congratulations Panty Mantis, one of the few high fashion gigs you have done (even if you were with a bunch of other VS girls on a publicity excercise)

They're both sinfully beautiful,

err no, one of them is sinfully beautiful (see above), the other looks like a panty mantis

and they saw a jump in popularity when it was rumored the two were engaged,

Ah yes, Good times! they did that more than once by the way (I think we are eagerly awaiting rumour 57 at the moment

but they quickly denied the gossip.


well you cant keep on rumouring that you are getting engaged if you are engaged..

---------------

The author seems to have forgotten the Flight Fight, that also got them some column inches.... it must be a bit gutting to see people like the Lovely Johnny and Vanessa much higher up the list without all the pimping and rumour...

The bold and the beautiful...

Well, I've been showing you the beautiful in recent posts pictorially speaking.

I think we can all agree that this photo represents the bold .....



to be more specific, THAT jacket is certainly bold, it looks like part of my lovely Luella quilted handbag combined with something that will make its own escape in due course, taking its furry tail with it...

I know Orlando's on his "down" time... and good on the man for enjoying a scruffy approach, but let me be clear..... I don't care how expensive it is, there is NO excuse for that jacket OB, dispense with it..... NOW! it looks as if it would belong at a 70's and 80's night.

Not a top-of-the-range 70's and 80's night you understand, the kind of night that thinks that it can relive past decades by playing "wake me up before you go go" and "its raining men" before disappearing back into more modern crap. The kind of night that doesn't appreciate the finesse of classic tracks such as "Rasputin" by Boney M - believe me, I've been at both types of nights, THAT jacket belongs in the former, cheesy, "do I make you horny" kinda night, NOT classic retro..

blimey, that jacket has brought me out in hives..... where was I - oh yes... bold and the beautiful... actually probably best stop - you don't want another rant do you?

Setting the Katz among the pigeons?

This one is rather interesting, the Katz lecture has put up a flier on its site advertising "A conversation with Orlando Bloom" as part of its lecture series on 2nd June. Apparently Orlando will be sitting down with one Dr. Harold S Koplewicz as the second part of this event.

This is a new one for Orli, so, having woken up hideously early and with too much spare time on my hands, I had a little dig to see what they could be discussing. The Katz lecture itself seems to be focused on Childhood psychiatric disorders and Dr. Koplewicz has written books relating to depression in adolescents. Some people have been wondering if Orlando is going to talk about his own dyslexia, but I'm not sure that that in itself is a psychiatric disorder - to my mind that sits firmly in the area of learning disabilities. What is interesting is that scholars have written a number of articles on links between dyslexia and subsequently developing a psychiatric problem as an adult.

All interesting stuff! I have to say I'm rather impressed (if this does have any truth to it) that Orlando is taking part in something like this. However, I'd be more than a little surprised if he bases any conversation on his own experiences growing up at more than a superficial level. He's obviously had various issues as a child relating to his family situation, which is well known now. Maybe it will relate to his ongoing work with Unicef? I guess time will tell!!

Wow - far too much sensibility for a post! on a lighter note, the Panty Mantis has discovered a way to teleport birthday cake without the use of air planes - according to her twitter Orlando miraculously managed to defy the flight ban and get a specul cake over to her in time for her birthday (me thinks someone should be checking out their tales before putting them out there). Its also lovely to see that OB is so much of a hurry to get back to his Mantis now airspace has reopened (according to twitter - out last night enjoying "Jerusalem" in London's west end!)

Thats it Orli - keep telling her you simply can't get a flight anywhere, it will probably be a few weeks before she realises it isn't true!

UPDATE: Apparently OB is speaking about his own experiences of living with dyslexia - good on him, I suffer from it myself and find unless you have it really badly, people rarely show much understanding> Excellent, for me an occasion when a bit of celeb promotion seems like an extremely good idea!!

Let the pimping recommence

Poor OLD panty mantis, she must be gutted, just a day adrift on being able to have a nice 'n' private birthday with her 'lover', a few close friends and the paparazzi from Just Jared...

As it seems that UK airspace has been opened up again as a result of changing air conditions, I think we should all spare a thought for Orlando. The poor lad must of been hoping this condition would continue for the next few months, give him some time to extricate himself from Mantis pincers, sadly it was not to be....

Now European air space has been opened up again our happy couple can resume their rightful place in the spotlight of media attention, Orlando can hand her back his bollocks and normal service can resume..

Its probably a bit of a relief here at TSO too, Orlando has an amazing knack of going seriously under the radar sans mantis and that does make it a bit difficult to post...

A whole lotta volcano

As Mt. Eyjafjallajokull continues to errupt and the ash floats over european airspace, the quiet skies continue over the UK.... do you know another thing that is quiet? - Orlando

As predicted he hits the UK sans Mantis and a peaceful hush descends in PR land..... it must be less than peaceful for our Panty Mantis though, poor girl - she must be spitting feathers on not being able to spend her 27th (yes that's right - 27th) birthday away from her tru lurve...

I can just imagine the pain of that separation (or is that lost PR opportunity?) - Never mind Panty Mantis, I'm sure OB left you a suitable gift to celebrate the occasion - some chains and a koala so you can dress up for him perhaps?

What I'd love to know is what "plan B" is in place if the volcano continues and it prevents a load of globe trotting for the scheduled PR set ups, will they both suddenly develop a love of the sea - also, it would be an excellent opportunity to counter all those criticizers of their green credentials..

Anyway, I'd like to take this opportunity to wish the Panty mantis many happy returns for tomorrow, and to Orlando: congratulations on managing to fly back to the UK on one of the last flights out of NYC and having the sense to leave the mantis there. Orlando...Your timing is superb!

Family Man

Panic not, we haven't just received news that the panty mantis is with child...

After my rather disolute post of yesterday (I obviously didn't have the friday feeling yesterday!) I thought it was nice to break the habit of a lifetime and start the weekend with something a touch less cynical.

According to that pinion of truth twitter, OB has been spotted in Dorset. Apparently he was at some kind of food shop getting very excited about macaroons.

In fact it reminded me of the last time he got excited about food that I heard of, it was related to what cheese was good after you've had a smoke... that made me laugh, but I digress...

Someone on another site pointed out that his granny lives down that way... Awwwww, Orlando visiting his granny! Why is it always so cute when guys do that kind of thing :D

Food for thought

I came across this today courtesy of Popbitch, it rang a strangely familiar bell though it related to posh and becks...

" The tabloids are often interesting reading for what is not in them, rather than what is. We were intrigued to see report after report of the Beckhams "trying for a baby" and "romantic holiday" recently. There were surprisingly candid shots of the pair on holiday on a unnamed Caribbean island, the family's detailed itinerary and loads of flattering quotes about what a romantic time they were having. So why would a pair of multi-millionaires with a lifestyle of private jets and private islands allow so much access that us plebs could know everything about their romantic holiday and pregnancy intentions?"

If you take out the preganancy intentions, every word of this could apply to our favourite couple (i'm thinking that holiday in Sydney where they fancied working the Romeo and Juliet vibe). Shall we continue with the hallowed words of pop bitch?

"Well, that's the interesting question. Usually when you see these kind of stories,
the most likely interpretation is that they've been placed so that a less complimentary
tale fails to see the light of day. There are rumours circulating involving a US magazine and an attempt to break a confidentiality agreement but that might be entirely unrelated"

argghhh its just such rubbish, and its interchangeable between each celeb couple... so and so has problems, has a romantic holiday, is getting married, is breaking up....

so much hype and bollocks....

Oh Orlando.... were you always like this???

Just Because!

I saw this photo online and I wondered whether this poor woman (who, although she is both busty and blonde, I would imagine is probably not his type) had to control the panty mantis' screeching fest at poor Orli on that recent flight...

I'm probably off at a tangent, but it is a cute photo of him looking all clean and rich....

just so we all remain clear on what clean 'n' rich looks like...

I KNEW it!....

...I knew he read here.... how could he not lol....

As Mystic has said here he is arriving in London looking lovely (see OB, no comments about appearance or T-shirt as agreed!)

Glad to see he's back on home soil :D though I have a feeling it will go very quiet, it tends to sans Mantis!

I had to edit to add that you apparently can "get the look" too..... I'm wondering what look that would be then? The "I've flown half way round the globe and haven't slept in days" look - I don't think we need help working out to do that one..

Bored, bored, BORED.... (Again!)

Its been a tough day in the office so far and I was feeling a little bored so I googled "Treasure yourself" in the anxious expectation of a release date. It proved a worthwhile tangent... after laughing myself silly at the small number of others brave enough to ask the same question (there isn't one by the way, this has to be the longest periods for writing a book ever...) I was eventually referred to the Panty Mantis' website...

Nothing on Treashur urself sadly but a whole lot on Kora. In fact if you click on her supposed fan net... it redirects you to the Kora website - have a go, see what you get.... (maybe its just my computer being excessively cruel.... )

Yo! Orlando, come back pleeeease..... look what your continued absence is making me do.... I'm sorry about the comments about your hair n stuff... and I promise I won't mention that green t-shirt again !

(ps Pretty picture of OB ( you didn't seriously think I'd put the PM at the front of a post did you??)

Preparation for Albert Nobbs??

Some fabulous ladies on a Forum I post on (no, there aren't any prizes for guessing which!) have pointed out this guy in the 'hairy hobo' twitter photo of OB yesterday, (in fact I think mystic raised this too...)




According to them, the guy to the left is Orli's dialect coach.... with Albert Nobbs due to start filming in July, maybe Orlando is brushing up his Irish accent? I thought he did that rather well in Ned Kelly (unlike the american one in E-Town, but we wont go there). Anyways its nice to see there might be a purpose to his trip to NYC other than getting "caught" by the paps and looking "clean and rich" (sorry, I can't leave that one alone, who on earth describes anyone as looking clean and rich.....)
It maybe that his wild hairdo is also explained by him getting "in character"...

Clean and Rich?

Why must one of the hottest guys on the planet persist in looking like this..



Maybe the "source" in Ted C's recent post got Orli and the PM mixed up with another couple - either that or her definition of "Clean and Rich" would be described by most people as "grubby and smelly".

And do I espy that Green T-shirt yet again?

Just for the record (and I hope our favourite "source" will take some advice on the subject) This is what clean and rich looks like...



You understand the difference, right?

Where's Orli?

After a frenzied week or so of PR crash after PR crash its all gone a bit quiet for Orli, maybe he's decided discretion is the better part of valour?

Sadly his pet Panty Mantis has no such common sense. She "hosted" a party with designer Minnie Mortimer last week. Apparently there are some Hollywood connections in there and OB surfs with MM's hubby so I imagine thats why our golden couple were there.

I've always thought the concept of hosting rather an interesting one. To me, it implies you buy in the drinks, make the arrangements, provide the food, meet and greet and make sure everyone is having a good time. To the Panty Mantis however, it seems to mean standing around being photographed looking like the village idiot with your "mr Tumnus" hooves on...


Its a credit to Minnie that the PM is not looking her worst here, the dress is nice and dare I say her hair style suits her that way, so much better than her up-do of late. Ok, I'm done with the good points - shall we move on to the bad ones now?

Whats that I see upon her feet? Miranda, I know you luuurve your shoe boots, we've heard you say that they are one of the key pieces this season (just like they were last year if I remember correctly) we all understand that, but take a veiled glance at what your companion is wearing wither her equally belt like dress.... that style of shoe goes much better with the dress for an evening function and has the added advantage of not reminding everyone in the room of Narnia.

Another small point, if I may: standing like that makes it hard to believe you've ever had any model training whatsoever.. I imagine you're trying to convey "I'm a fun sorta girl" with that stance, in fact what it communicates is "Has anyone seen my brain cell today". Obviously we know thats not true with your new book coming out and all that.. but you wouldn't want everyone to get the wrong impression would you??

No wonder Orlando is looking quite so horrified in the picture above...

Oh Ted! You naughty tease....

Poor old Ted C, it sounds like he's had enough of his new "source" already! The following is merrily doing the rounds:

Dear Ted:
You confuse me. One minute you agree that Miranda is wrong for Orlando and they can't break up soon enough, and in another post you seemed thrilled they are hot and heavy again and still together. What is it? Do you like them together just because they are so beautiful? Take a stand will ya!
—Troy

Dear Oh, Whatever:
Look, as long as Orlando's going to keep torturing us with these ridiculously unlikely pairings, I can at least enjoy the scenery in the meantime, can't I? Life's easier that way, I find. Try it!

Don't worry Troy, we may all be confused but I imagine that you are one of the few that actually care any more either way. And as for Ted's response - "torturing" is an extremely good word when dealing with OB and his mantis at the moment.

C'mon Orli - I'm getting bored of this already - any chance of some movie news? (though i have to admit your use of a tie in the photo above is rather intriguing.... I'd settle for a better look at exactly what look you're going for instead if the movie thing is too hard for you!)

A romantic date?

According to that pinion of truth show biz spy, Orlando is taking Miranda to the world cup this summer - how romantic i hear you all cry.... lets take a closer look shall we at this particular "source"

ORLANDO Bloom is taking girlfriend Miranda Kerr on holiday — to watch football!

(You see, obviously show biz spy is a little bemused too, I may be typecasting but I don't think there are many ladies that would think that was a romantic date..)

The Pirates of The Caribbean hunk is said to be including the supermodel on a summer break in South Africa to cheer on England in the World cup — much to the surprise of his pals.

- I'm not surprised his pals are suprised, gobsmacked is probably closer to the mark given what he's said about her the rest of the time

“This is something Orlando has been planning for a long time,” says a source close to the actor.

But by the sounds of it, not with her in the plan until now.... i'm SURE this is in no way related to the bad PR surrounding their relationship recently.... no really...

“Orlando is a big football fan and this was supposed to be a big lads holiday to watch the World Cup.

Good work Orlando, I totally agree! A Panty Mantis sounds like a perfect companion to a lads weekend to me, along with the stripper and other busty blondes in night clubs..... plus I'm SURE she'll feel RIGHT at home...

“Now Orlando is bringing Miranda along. But seeing as she’s an underwear model, there probably won’t be too many complaints!”

Is he planning on passing her round his mates??? Admittedly i've heard rumours before now, but i've never credited them as being true..


Excellent, another success story in Panty Mantis land then and obviously this Vacay is super sekrit given its in the media already.... whats next i wonder, the desparation levels seem to be rising in PR land...

A translation of the truth?

Wow, the cat must really be among the pigeons in Mantis and Orli land....

Ted C (the one who had the happy task of reporting the first reports of the fight flight) has just made a serious damage control post. Obviously, the lovely photographs we have all enjoyed, and that were so demonstrative of natural tru luurve, haven't quite hit the mark....

I thought since I've got the day off, I'd have a go at giving my translation of it for you (remember this is just my view and humour....)

Ted Casablanca:

Orlando and Miranda: Passionate PDA, Uh-Oh

We've been dying for a fix of the world's most beautiful couple, since we were discouraged after Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr's recent not-so-mile-high-club plane interaction.
We can happily report that the turbulent plane ride was clearly an off day for the couple, as they were spotted at Mojo Coffee in NYC's West Village this weekend looking as close as evuh.

TRANS: FOLKS, YOU REMEMBER I REPORTED THEY WERE FIGHTING LAST WEEK, BUT SINCE THEN EVERYONE ON THE NET RIPPED THE SHIT OUT OF THEM SO I'VE NOW BEEN PULLED IN TO DO DAMAGE CONTROL, OTHERWISE THEY WON'T DO ANY MORE SET-UPS FOR US AND ORLANDO WILL GO DEAF FROM ALL THE SCREECHING

Orlando and his babe-a-licious Victoria's Secret model GF stopped by for some grub and were completely smitten with each other. "They are obviously infatuated," our source assured (and slightly shocked) us.

TRANS: WHEN I SAY "IT SLIGHTLY SHOCKED US" PLEASE TAKE THAT IN A SARCASTIC WAY, OUR "SOURCE" IS MK'S PR AGENT AND WHAT THE HECK ELSE IS SHE GOING TO SAY

Orlando did the ordering for the twosome—but he didn't have any cash when it came time to pay. Luckily, his ladylove helped him out with the green before she darted to the bathroom. Did the looker want to make it appear that the gentleman was being entirely, well, gentlemanly?

TRANS: OUR "SOURCE" WISHES TO IMPLY THAT SHE WORKS AND HE HASN'T HAD A MOVIE IN THE CINEMA IN YEARS ERGO ITS HER PAYING FOR HIM NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND.

Oh, and the tight-again twosome looked totally smokin'—especially Miranda. "She's so hot," our babe-witness reported. "They looked very clean and rich."

TRANS: THE "SOURCE" WISHES TO DISPEL ANY CRUEL RUMOURS THAT ORLANDO DOESN'T WASH, ONLY HAS ONE OUTFIT PER MONTH AND MIRANDA DRESSES LIKE A HOBO, AS SOME NASTY INTERNET SITES HAVE BEEN SAYING

Now that Orly and M are feelin' each other again, maybe their next plane flight will be a little more interesting, if you know what we mean…

TRANS: I'M GUESSING THAT THE NEXT "SOURCE" WILL BE PEDDLING THE MILE HIGH CLUB AGAIN WITH BACK UP FROM TWITTER

Come on, Orly, sell it all the way, 'kay?

TRANS: I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M HAVING TO SELL THIS SHIT, ORLANDO - ITS YOUR PR EXCERCISE IN DAMAGE CONTROL... IT WOULDN'T HURT IF YOU WERE MORE CONVINCING...

I'm not sure if I were them I would of used Ted C for this, Ted is a brilliant and talented blogger - brilliant and talented for managing to convey his view within all the PR shite that gets flung around, and in my opinion here is no exception! (BTW I thought a photo of Orlando and the PM looking clean rich and happy might be appropriate for this post, so I chose the one above...)

Orlando and Panty Mantis : Central Park Couple

Do you know, I was actually going to take a break from posting today , too many bubbles and chocs last night have resulted in me feeling a little fragile! But then someone pointed out this picture and I felt serious endeavour must be applauded. (I also felt the need to try and preempt a certain celeb bloggers inevitable post and cringe worthy title with my own version... sorry.... ! had to get it in somewhere, I'm sure he will!)

Man! they are trying hard after yesterdays disaster... (Joders - again your account here had me on the floor, the pair of them must really hate time stamps and booked paparazzo who film the whole thing ... )

Anyway, whats the obvious thing to do when its become blindingly obvious to everyone (except a small contingent of ladies still worshipping at the shrine of St Orlando of Canterbury) that you do in fact do rather a lot of set ups with the paparazzi (as do most celebs, I might add - it doesn't make you a bad person OB it just makes you a bit of a sellout; and that in turn, makes us all a bit sad)...

you've guessed it - resort to that gospel of truth Twitter and here we have it...




Isn't that nice and oh! how sweet they are: Orlando and his panty mantis strolling through central park...... "caught" by the random passer by....(you see, it isn't only paparazzi that get shots of our favourite couple). Mind you, its a shame Orlando still looks like he's about to run from the hills at the first opportunity - maybe thats why she's holding onto him.

And do you want the even better news?

I can imagine, given the size of suitcase and the airing of bike (after its protracted time in David Blaine's garage) that we have a lot more of these to come. Methinks Orlando has been told to put his back into it after the screeching reports and various half assed photos...

you never know we might get back to engagement rumour 561 and we can all start up our gift club again for the happy couple... watch this space !

Just in case you were wondering.....

...whether OB likes French paparazzi as much as he likes ones in New York.... you can relax safe in the knowledge that it seems he does. Check out this You tube video from when he was in Paris last year..



As you can see in the above clip if you are a French pap, he will come out of restaurants twice for you (if the first shot is not to your liking) and even better than that, he'll actually stop his motor for a quick photo opportunity if he arranges it with you first. I'm sorry about the Panty Mantis at the beginning but doesn't it sound like the french for Miranda is Moronduh!

I wonder whether they would fancy a break down set up like we got yesterday, thats probably one of his more clever efforts, as others have said, people reading "Orlando Bloom has a breakdown" are likely to think that his current lifestyle and lack of bollocks has finally got the better of him....

Oh Orlando... when did we get here? Maybe this is your way of handling the paparazzo, who knows? But i think i like Johnny Depp's approach a whole lot more - I've haven't yet thought he's a sell out....

I think I'd like to take the return journey back to when you sweet, innocent and surprised by the attention; back when the Panty Mantis was a Gunnedah Ovum (she probably weighed more then too)....

Anyway - to more important things, HAPPY EASTER! eat lots of chocs (and thanks to R for the link to the vid above)

When things go wrong.....

Poor Orlando, it must be a real pain in the a**s when even the most carefully laid plans go awry.....

We've all felt that some lovely paparazzi photos of OB and his PM were rather overdue (we've had the cinema tweets complete with the panty mantis treating herself to a piece of popcorn and a number of restaurant sitings and experience suggests photos would be forthcoming!). Obviously our happy couple thought so too and decided to set up a new lot of photos with the bike ( I know, how surprising!). However Orli's beloved bike finally decided to protest at the thought of any more set ups with the mantis on its back...

Here's Orli trying to talk sense into his bike:


Wow! the PM looks cheesed that her latest shots have gone so wrong. But panic not mantis, you and Orli are very good friends with the local Paps, they sit outside your flat, they turn up when requested, they apparently help you fix your bike and look... here they are even willing to retake the shots now the bike is working again. You both are lucky to have such mates!



You see, all that malcontent was misplaced, the aim of the excercise was to get photos out there and we have photos out there of you, living the life and proving the love so the whole thing wasn't a total waste of time!

I must just say that the hysterical relief showing on the face of OB in yesterdays post can't of been related to his wedding tackle after all.... all of it is evidently still in the possession of the mantis!

Caption Time: Friday edition

Orlando felt almost hysterical with relief when he realised his wedding tackle was still in place after a recent trip to New York.....

Is he trying to tell her something?

I'd forgotten how good Orlando is at hand signals when he wants to be.....