A romantic date?

According to that pinion of truth show biz spy, Orlando is taking Miranda to the world cup this summer - how romantic i hear you all cry.... lets take a closer look shall we at this particular "source"

ORLANDO Bloom is taking girlfriend Miranda Kerr on holiday — to watch football!

(You see, obviously show biz spy is a little bemused too, I may be typecasting but I don't think there are many ladies that would think that was a romantic date..)

The Pirates of The Caribbean hunk is said to be including the supermodel on a summer break in South Africa to cheer on England in the World cup — much to the surprise of his pals.

- I'm not surprised his pals are suprised, gobsmacked is probably closer to the mark given what he's said about her the rest of the time

“This is something Orlando has been planning for a long time,” says a source close to the actor.

But by the sounds of it, not with her in the plan until now.... i'm SURE this is in no way related to the bad PR surrounding their relationship recently.... no really...

“Orlando is a big football fan and this was supposed to be a big lads holiday to watch the World Cup.

Good work Orlando, I totally agree! A Panty Mantis sounds like a perfect companion to a lads weekend to me, along with the stripper and other busty blondes in night clubs..... plus I'm SURE she'll feel RIGHT at home...

“Now Orlando is bringing Miranda along. But seeing as she’s an underwear model, there probably won’t be too many complaints!”

Is he planning on passing her round his mates??? Admittedly i've heard rumours before now, but i've never credited them as being true..


Excellent, another success story in Panty Mantis land then and obviously this Vacay is super sekrit given its in the media already.... whats next i wonder, the desparation levels seem to be rising in PR land...

A translation of the truth?

Wow, the cat must really be among the pigeons in Mantis and Orli land....

Ted C (the one who had the happy task of reporting the first reports of the fight flight) has just made a serious damage control post. Obviously, the lovely photographs we have all enjoyed, and that were so demonstrative of natural tru luurve, haven't quite hit the mark....

I thought since I've got the day off, I'd have a go at giving my translation of it for you (remember this is just my view and humour....)

Ted Casablanca:

Orlando and Miranda: Passionate PDA, Uh-Oh

We've been dying for a fix of the world's most beautiful couple, since we were discouraged after Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr's recent not-so-mile-high-club plane interaction.
We can happily report that the turbulent plane ride was clearly an off day for the couple, as they were spotted at Mojo Coffee in NYC's West Village this weekend looking as close as evuh.

TRANS: FOLKS, YOU REMEMBER I REPORTED THEY WERE FIGHTING LAST WEEK, BUT SINCE THEN EVERYONE ON THE NET RIPPED THE SHIT OUT OF THEM SO I'VE NOW BEEN PULLED IN TO DO DAMAGE CONTROL, OTHERWISE THEY WON'T DO ANY MORE SET-UPS FOR US AND ORLANDO WILL GO DEAF FROM ALL THE SCREECHING

Orlando and his babe-a-licious Victoria's Secret model GF stopped by for some grub and were completely smitten with each other. "They are obviously infatuated," our source assured (and slightly shocked) us.

TRANS: WHEN I SAY "IT SLIGHTLY SHOCKED US" PLEASE TAKE THAT IN A SARCASTIC WAY, OUR "SOURCE" IS MK'S PR AGENT AND WHAT THE HECK ELSE IS SHE GOING TO SAY

Orlando did the ordering for the twosome—but he didn't have any cash when it came time to pay. Luckily, his ladylove helped him out with the green before she darted to the bathroom. Did the looker want to make it appear that the gentleman was being entirely, well, gentlemanly?

TRANS: OUR "SOURCE" WISHES TO IMPLY THAT SHE WORKS AND HE HASN'T HAD A MOVIE IN THE CINEMA IN YEARS ERGO ITS HER PAYING FOR HIM NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND.

Oh, and the tight-again twosome looked totally smokin'—especially Miranda. "She's so hot," our babe-witness reported. "They looked very clean and rich."

TRANS: THE "SOURCE" WISHES TO DISPEL ANY CRUEL RUMOURS THAT ORLANDO DOESN'T WASH, ONLY HAS ONE OUTFIT PER MONTH AND MIRANDA DRESSES LIKE A HOBO, AS SOME NASTY INTERNET SITES HAVE BEEN SAYING

Now that Orly and M are feelin' each other again, maybe their next plane flight will be a little more interesting, if you know what we mean…

TRANS: I'M GUESSING THAT THE NEXT "SOURCE" WILL BE PEDDLING THE MILE HIGH CLUB AGAIN WITH BACK UP FROM TWITTER

Come on, Orly, sell it all the way, 'kay?

TRANS: I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M HAVING TO SELL THIS SHIT, ORLANDO - ITS YOUR PR EXCERCISE IN DAMAGE CONTROL... IT WOULDN'T HURT IF YOU WERE MORE CONVINCING...

I'm not sure if I were them I would of used Ted C for this, Ted is a brilliant and talented blogger - brilliant and talented for managing to convey his view within all the PR shite that gets flung around, and in my opinion here is no exception! (BTW I thought a photo of Orlando and the PM looking clean rich and happy might be appropriate for this post, so I chose the one above...)

Where is Orli (and other things....)

Either Orlando has developed the ability to transmit himself down phone lines or there is some confusion over where he is recently. Tweets have had him in DC, LA and Covent Garden (no suprises for guessing where i'd like him to be :D)

But to me what is more interesting is where he definitely wasn't on the 26th of March. He wasn't in LA....... with our favourite panty mantis at her panty mantis party... after all those pesky shouting rumours (and joders you completely have me with your account of THAT night, seriously if anyone wants to know what really happened then just click here ) you would of thought this was the perfect opportunity for some more rainbows and flowers.

Good on him, banging a VS Mantis is one thing, turning up to a VS party is quite another (unless you are looking for a mantis upgrade i suppose) this leads inevitably to the question; after weeks of speculation, has he actually freed his balls from captivity (and i don't mean those tight trousers he was in in NYC)? I guess we will have to wait and see...

While I leave you weighing up that weighty question... lets consider our Panty mantis for a moment....
Poor old Panty Mantis, not only is she the suspected subject of Blind items that say her relationship is a contract (no, really?? oh the shock of it all!) but she seems to have lost her mirror and all respect for herself.... I mean .... what is THIS>>>>

has she got too near the Tango man again (explaining the strange shade of orange), is her hair making a bid for freedom?; has she decided Bai Ling is the last word in fashion?

One things for sure, her long anticipated book "Treasure yourself" is going to be special....very special! Imagine what reading the nutritional advice of a girl who thinks having a sandwich is an event is going to do for the nation....

Maybe its all the post flight trauma......

Breaking news.... breaking news....

There are unsubstantiated reports that Pirates of the Caribbean actor Orlando Bloom (pictured above) may be back in possession of his Balls. After months of speculation that the Hollywood hearthrob had actually legally signed his testicles over to the Panty Mantis, our sources now say that in the last 90 mins a covert operation has been in process to reclaim them. Representatives for the Panty Mantis or Orlando were unavailable for comment.