Tuesday, 27 April 2010

Ahhh more words of Mantis Wisdom

Well, I was feeling a bit blue today, but THIS has made me feel so much better, allow me to translate (From GQ - its the Mantis' guide to dating)

GQ: I spot you in a bar, how should I style my approach?
MK (translated into english): Simply smile, come over and say hello. Nothing fancy and definitely no cheesy pick-up lines. There is nothing more attractive than a man who carries himself well, is confident but at the same time humble and open. If you really want to impress a woman you have to be brave enough to be yourself.
MK - Original Mantis: yew git owt yure credit cards, yure proowf of bank balanse and yew shew me howe yew will help mee live the lyfe!

GQ: We've done the small talk, shared a banquette, danced a little; now you're leaving with your friends. Too soon to ask for your number?
(MK - Trans)Life is too short so it's never too soon to ask. Even if you get the number, it's best not to assume anything. I am a big believer that friendship comes first. Women have a sixth sense and can tell when a man wants one thing. You'll have more luck with a woman if you are there for them - no strings attached.
MK- Orig. Mantis: shayred a banquette/ whot is thayt? is itt a newe posiztion? and Its nevar too sooyn phor mye phone number, in facyt if eye havent pole danced wiv youe by the ende of the nyght, there is somgthing wrong haw haw haw

GQ: Our first drink went well. How should I let you know I'm thinking of you? Is a text the next morning too soon?
MK - (Trans)Text away! It only makes a woman feel appreciated and again shows that you are confident. Life is so much more exciting when you live in the moment rather than impose rules on what you do and when you do it.
MK - (Orig. Mantis): yew cant texte if yew want but i cantnt see whye, eye'd be wright next tu yew

GQ: It is our second date and we are at the bar. A bunch of meat heads keep whistling and paying your long legs loud compliments. How should I protect your honour?
MK - (trans) See it for what it is and laugh it off. I like a man who is protective but I think it is a sign of weakness to have a fight. It's best to ignore them and just be focused on what we are talking about.
MK - (Orig.): eye'd recommeng yew lit them bee,eye lyke attenshion and eye'll probably see if they'd lyke to party too

GQ: We've only been seeing each other a couple of weeks but already it's your birthday. What do I get you?
MK - (Trans) Something thoughtful, not necessarily expensive, just something that has been well thought through. I love anything to do with nature and would prefer a beautiful shell in a place of an expensive piece of jewellery I will never wear.
MK - (Orig): the byggest most exhespensive gyft yew can fynde, ideally wyth butterflies on it

(Disclaimer: Obviously this is a humorous post for those of us that are fatnjellus, I am in no way suggesting that the Mantis' dating choices are influenced by any factor other than true love.....)


  1. "I am a big believer that friendship comes first."

    LOLOLOLOLOL...Thanks for the morning laughs, Dingho. And for the reminder. She.Lies.All.The.Time.

  2. that is what first alerted me that it was a translation sighs! after all she couldn't of said that really, its such obvious bullshit!