Thursday, 16 December 2010

Dear Orlando,

I know that you and I havent always seen eye to eye on some of your choices in life - If I'm honest I would have much preferred that had done An Education, I can't help feeling that that was the start of your decent into "the wife from hell" scenario that you now find yourself in.

The whole subject of your choice of pap mate is one that causes me great pain both visually and orally. She is akin to a embodied and visual version of the bubonic plague of our times.

The thing that gets me the most though on this occasion, and its neither your career or your "private" life, is your choice of clothing:

Dressed up - generally no problem, in fact I'd go as far to as to say that you can look extremely debonair when you try
Hanging out in shops - slightly too much green t-shirt, but we've been there and we've got through that crisis

Why oh why then have you decided to do THIS to me....

What are those things covering your upper leg - do they even sell them on planet earth?

I've got no problem with your skinny guy legs but those shorts are hurting my eyes more than the sight of your wife idiotically grinning and trying to form comprehensible sentences. I seem to not even be able to register that you took a slash at the side of the road and the photos of that are now circulating the globe...

nothing you have ever done in your entire life offends me more than those shorts....

Ive nothing more to say to you right now, i hope you will reflect on what you've done

Yours, in horror


  1. It MUST be a joke,no way he can really like them,otherwise he's dislexic in taste too.Well,he has proven to be regarding women taste,so,who knows?
    But I agree with you,it hurts!:D

  2. You Know, I think you could have something there - its the only rational explanation...

    i can't picture anyone walking into a shop and thinking "I know, those shorts are nice... i'll have a pair of them"

    if its a Joke OB - good one- I'm just about able to see the funny side....

  3. He looks kinda hot in that first pic. It isn't recent, is it?

  4. It's from the same day, Wanda.

  5. He looks like such a prissy ass w/the body armor on. Ok, a helmet, yes. But jeez louise, he's going biking, not doing a hazmat cleanup!!

  6. @ wanda - I can see where you are going with that (though i have to say I'm relieved you're not saying the same about the second)

    @Anomers I;m not sure what a hazmat cleanup is but i'm willing to clutch at any straw you have to explain away those shorts....

  7. There goes the gay theory. Even a blind gay man would never put those shorts (?) on.

  8. Slapparr-
    HazMat is hazardous materials. As in nuclear waste, etc. They usually wear shiz like this: Which would be a lot better than the purple board shorts (skirt?) Orly is sporting.

    I mean, come on, I know its called "Mountain Biking" but seriously...its LA, not Afghanistan!!!

  9. If I remember correctly he played soccer/football for some charity event - those looks very much like shin protectors a soccer player would wear. After watching the video I wondered if the shorts were to make sure he could be seen- KayC33