Sunday, 29 August 2010

A few things from the store

The Panty Mantis and Dr. Bloom have resurfaced in Malibu together for those first and sought after shots of her with her "husband" and her bump.

Apparently they were innocently trying to go shopping together, those evil paps (who had been circling malibu for the last two weeks in a vain attempt to get photos of our happy couple) finally managed to achieve their dastardly plan.

Poor newly weds, hounded at every turn... the only option they had was to confuse so Orlando headed off on his bike while the Panty Mantis hopped off in her car so they could divide and loose their persuers.

Whilst they have my utmost sympathy for having their privacy invaded in this cruel sadicious manner by those evil paparazzi, I am a little confused by the fact that they needed 2 cars and one bike to buy what appears to be absolutely nothing from the shop what so ever -unless of course its more cigarettes which are small and easily hidden ..

You can imagine the convo they had:

PM: Orlandoe, whire are yew? Eye'm pregannt and alreadie people are notte interessted. I neede to mayk it obviouss againe. Eye've asked mumme and eye neede somme gehrkinss and sum eyecreame qwick! Kanne yew leave Viggoe's nowe ande meete mee atte the store.

OB: Umm (Oh god its her) hi, I'm just umm looking over some old LOTR photos with Vig, can't you go on your own or something?

PM: NOE! if eye goe onne mye owne our freinds the pappes wonte turne upe. Eye tryed thayt while yew were inne Germanie, eye even offered themme an exclusive ande everythinge. Wee havve an arran.... um an arragng.... fuk it ! wee havve a deale orlandoe!

OB: (Bugger it, I thought once we'd done this phake marriage, she'd bog on off and leave me alone) Um, ok well I've got my bike so I'll scoot on down to the store. Lets get in there, then you phone our friends the paps and we'll come out and leave separately so we can look as if we're all pissed off and having to avoid them. The world gets shots of us doing normal things and appearing to keep a low profile and I can come back here and continue umm "looking at photos".

PM: Thayts muche more lyke it! and all those eville bytches on TSO and Delphee wille bee ablee to see that eye'm evenne more beatutifl whenne eye'm pregnante!

OB: umm what? (I don't think so sweetheart, you face already bore more than a passing resemblance to a chipmunk and thats before you started putting on weight, now its getting much more like the michelin man in appearance - still, what do I care - a job is a job at the end of the day and at least I still have Viggo)

PM: Ohw neva minde, see yew in a bitte orlandoe, and dontte forgette your weddinge ringe.

OB: (shit, the ring, I wonder if Vig has one i can borrow) OK Bye!


  1. If my husband would wanna come shopping with me in those pants, I'd threaten him with divorce. Then again, I can do that, as MY husband wouldn't jump at the opportunity to get rid of me for good.

  2. Just a few things about your comment L.

    You can threaten your hubby with divorce because (unlike Mr and Mrs Panty Mantis) you and your hubby are ACTUALLY married.

    And I'm fairly certain when you guys go shopping you don't arrive at the market in two seperate vehicles.

    As for what Mrs Mantis purchased, if it's a pillow baby she's having, perhaps it a packet of tampons? And maybe Whorely is hiding them in his helmet?

  3. If they really wanted to confuse the paps, why did they go to the store separately and then exit together???!! It doesn't make any sense.
    If you wanna shake somebody off, aren't you supposed to keep separate no matter what?

  4. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Excellent!!! The ring thing is great. I hope MK is very proud of that shit of marriage. She won and what? Where is the silly and victorious smile now?

  5. What is wrong with his middle finger? He brokes it in that position?

  6. What's with the scarf? Maybe someone told her those ace bandages she wrapped around her midsection in that Whora pic were not convincing.

  7. This keeps getting more and more ridiculous. Do Twit&Twat even know how stupid they look to the rest of the world? I guess not, their shared brain cell must have gotten lost on their way to the Quickie Mart! They're married, the hiding thing is stupid now. Why separate if the paps already got pics of you and, oh by the way, YOU'RE ALREADY MARRIED! No one cares (or as they say on ONTD, no1curr!) if you're seen together!

  8. OB + MK are the most pathetic people ever. They remeber me Goof and Clarabelle Cow!

  9. No post about the new OB pics in GQ US?