Friday, 13 August 2010


Where IS Orlando?

His "wife" (and believe me when i say I'm using that in the loosest sense of the word - i know fat, jellus, orlando all for myself etc etc) seems to be maintaining a public profile; his "wife" seems to be perfectly happy to engage with more recent developments in online communication and networking; his "wife" is happy to offer cloying words of wisdom to any misfortunate that happens within a 5 mile radius of her facebook page, drowning them with second hand advice, quotes and photos of her family.

In short his "wife" is more than happy to keep the rest of the english speaking world up to date with the minutiae of her personal life.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if we get the following status update:

Panty Mantis is happye thayt orlandoe is bounde and gagged, he complayns less aboute seksy tyme lyke thayt

Poor sod..... put like that his complete and utter silence since their wedding is put into perspective. we shouldnt be giving the Elf a hard time for "marrying" such a complete and utter dingbat, we should be raising money to secure his release....

In fact I was looking for a charity to raise money for by participating in the forthcoming duathlon, I think i may have found it!

I just need someone to design me a FREE ORLANDO t-shirt to run/cycle in!


  1. I would like to know what OB and MK are thinking about that great, big, enormous FIASCO (engagement,marriage).

  2. I definitely would order a "Phree Orlando" shirt.

  3. @ Anomers: they are probably thinking f**K what do we do now for publicity!

    @Sighs - maybe we should be holding a Phree Orlando conference: fat'n'jellus haterz of the world unite - I reckon we would have some takers :D

  4. Ask and you shall receive:

    (That took more time out of my life than I intended!)

    Let me know if you slags want any mugs or mousepads or anything.

  5. that is bloody brilliant wanda - I think it deserves its own post!

  6. Here's a new article that will make you physically ill:

    I don't know if they'll publish my comment or if it shows up when other people access the article. If not, here's what I said:

    "Oh, that’s a vomit-inducing article! She’s not pregnant, she just told Orlando that to entrap him into marriage. No matter how her PR people try to spin it, SHE was the one who chased after HIM all these years and wore him down until they got together, and just when they were fighting on airplanes and out shopping and he was going to call it quits, she tells him “I’m up the duff” and he wanted to do the right thing. IF she is knocked up, it’s not his. If it comes out even remotely ugly or even plain, you’ll know it’s not his!"