Practical Guide to Weddings: Part 2 - The Venue

Now we've got the basics out of the way (still no word on the engagement party or the date of the wedding BTW Panty Mantis, details of the former would be nice and the latter is essential if you want me to book in some fatties!l)

Our Happy couple should start to consider the venue... Happily it seems that the Panty Mantis' local town of Gunnedah has beaten her to it - offering her her local home town for the venue! Wouldn't that be nice for them, Lucky Orlando!

The Mayor graciously made the offer here

"Gunnedah Mayor has offered a street parade in the couple's honour with its award-winning brass band leading the way."

Perhaps a rendition of Cole Porters "Love for Sale" could start things off?

Gunnedah's leading wedding outfitter also seems keen to be involved! she says:

""I imagine she would go the kit and caboodle but each bride is different,"

Too right this Bride is different Jodi, and when you say Kit and Caboodle I think you may mean no kit and her bootie..... The Panty Mantis is known better these days for taking her kit off as opposed to being photographed with it on...... still I imagine an original Ho would fit the bill nicely!

However, I do think the budget that they are suggesting is slightly under.. perhaps it would help our stunning couple if I went through it for them:


1) Reception venues Gunnedah town hall costs $600 to hire and holds 600 people - of course they are missing out the attendance fees of 595 of the guests.... i think we better add on another $300,000 to the bill - so thats $300,6000


2) Wedding cakes Cost between $300 and $1000 - lets go with the $1000 shall we, I wonder if they do themes?

3) Photographer Packages start at $700 - I would actually scrub this fee, I imagine Terry Richardson could be persuaded to come down if the bride was suitably undressed! And he certainly likes photographing Orlando


4) Food Gunnedah bowlo is about $30 a head including entrees of soup, avocado prawn salad; mains of roast beef, chicken and lamb; and desserts of pavlova, apple crumble and cheesecake - well that all sounds nice, trouble is no noni and goji berries... but if the guests only have that, I imagine the cost will be about the same..


5) Celebrant $400, plus $44 for marriage certificate - lets leave that one in for the time being (though Orlando, if you get one of your actor mates to play the role - it will be free, you won't actually be married, she'll be none the wiser...)

So in total thats a cool $320,000 for the day itself- sounds like a right bargain compared to the bill OB is likely to face....

By the way: I'm sure Gunnedah is very nice, I wouldn't know - i haven't been there. I also understand its wish to host the wedding of these two clowns... the above is in no way reflective of Gunnedah, just certain gunnedah Mantis' and their handbags....