Tuesday, 22 June 2010

A Practical Guide to Weddings: Part 1

With confirmation (in the form of the Panty Mantis' facebook) being posted overnight, I woke up this morning buzzing with lists of things the happy couple need to do before the big day.

I thought it might help them if I listed a few here to make sure the future Mr and Mrs Panty Mantis don't miss anything and hopefully avoid the Panty Mantis turning into bridezilla, I may not understand some of OB's choices, but I wouldn't wish that on him.

1) The most crucial thing on the agenda now has got to be the engagement party! I would suggest they pick that bondage club that OB was caught leaving a while back. The Panty Mantis will fit right in there and Orlando is unlikely to try and leave early because of the view. Of course it will be important to make sure that the appropriate Bloggers/papers are there to witness the event.

2) Obviously the Panty Mantis needs to make as big a splash as humanly possible in australia now she actually has something he's not denying... perhaps a few big screens up in public places looping the happy news?

3) The Dress: Its never to early in my experience to source your dress - perhaps one by Lisa Ho would be fitting?

4) The Bridesmaids: A word to the wise Panty Mantis, I wouldnt ask any of your fellow models if I were you, there is a danger that your usual poses might be outshone, instead you should be picking some fatties for the occasion, make sure you look really good (if you send me the date, I can check amoungst us fat'n'jellus ones to see if any of us are free if you like, though you may need to put a security guard round Orlando, I think most of us just want him for ourselves and will need to be controlled!)

I think thats enough to be going on with, I don't want to overload you both - lawd knows wedding preparation is a stressful time for all concerned!


  1. Is she going to wear a dress or is she going to be nekkid again?

  2. well i imagine a dress by a designer called Lisa Ho manages to do both - i guess time will tell....

  3. Mr and Mrs Panty Mantis.......lol

    Wonder if his family will insist that HE change his name?? lol

  4. I'm available to be a bridesmaid. I can pack on 20 or 30 more pounds if they'd like.

  5. Thanks Wanda, thats really kind of you, as soon as i have the date I'll let you know. In the meantime though, if you could start packing on the pounds for me - I know all of us on here are fat, jellus and wanting Orlando all for ourselves but I think this requires a special celebratory effort...

    In fact, it would be fitting if all of us packed on the pounds - with that Parade, the panty mantis may be requiring a crowd to cheer, and it wouldnt do if they looked better than the bride too..