Wednesday, 23 June 2010

Practical Guide to Weddings: Part 3 - the Stag Do

Having STILL not heard back from the Panty Mantis on her dates for her wedding and in the wake of overwhelming excitement from the Bloom camp on the news (his mother reportedly said she's a beautiful girl inside and out (to be expected, hopefully it keeps the Panty Mantis in the dark as to Sonia's true intentions until such time as she's managed to extract her son back out of the jaws of death) and also felt the need to point out that hardly see each other - Bravo Sonia, Good work!), I thought we could be nice to Orlando and propose a few venues for his stag do:


Typical haunt for the architypal stag do - its got a banging red light district so I hear, and a very hot club scene, plus of course he could probably get his own private sex show set up, packed with busty blondes to take his mind of things..

South Africa:

He'd have to be quick with this one, and he's unlikely to see England play but I hear that the local err hospitality industry has been preparing for years for the influx of football fans, so there would probably be plenty of entertainment to choose from (word to the wise Orlando: The article I read on the subject concentrated on the epidemic of STD's and Aids so he'd better get swimsuited up if he fancies this option

LA/ London
A bit boring as choices really, though the latter would be better than the former, In LA he'd be far too easily caught out and we wouldn't want a histrionic mantis bride would we?

Depending on your view point on OB's sexuality this could be THE venue for him, plenty of fun to be had in Brighton if you like beautiful boys!

This is the one I'd choose if I were him. Lots of ladies that are up for craick, lots of clubbing and disco biscuits (not that he does these of course but just in case some of the other stags do) and great beaches for chillaxing - plus he probably knows someone with a yacht down there so it would be cheap - perfect!

Orlando Bloom: The Choice is YOURS!
(oh and I wouldn't invite JJ if I were you - it could end up with paps there, and I KNOW you wouldn't want that!)


  1. Red Light District is a lifetime experience!
    But, to be sure to have a unforgettable time, you should check out this The Amsterdam Red Light Guide

  2. Thanks Johnathan, I'm sure that will come in right handy in the very near future :D

  3. Can he read? lol Best keep that book out of sight to the PM. She might think that is where the honeymoon will be.........