Wednesday 12 January 2011

Its good to laugh!

And I promise you this will do it for you!

Fresh out of hospital and straight back talking to random online people close friends about the second coming, our Panty mantis had this to say about giving birth to a 10lb baby...

Just gorgeous, thanks so much hon. I did natural birth too, no drugs or pain killers!!! Love Miranda xxx

Much as I obviously believe every word that comes out of her mouth, I'm having the greatest difficulty getting my head round a Mantis of her build pushing out 10lb's worth of baby with nothing. From what I've seen of the birthing process, its the most painful experience known to man so I need to get some understand of our Mantis' description of this auspicious event..

To me this all hangs on what one classes as natural. One could argue that Gas and Air is natural, I suspect that the Mantis probably counts an epidurals as natural, and of course a C-section could count as completely natural (providing you discount the anaesthetic). Whatever the truth of the matter is (and I doubt we'll ever find out) one things for sure, if she's gone for a "natural" delivery of an extremely large child -

Of course there's one completely natural side effect of delivering a child of that size via natures way..... but I won't even type that here......

7 comments:

  1. Of course there's one completely natural side effect of delivering a child of that size via natures way..... but I won't even type that here......
    ________________
    Oh puhleese, I'd only believe that natural without drugs part if the hospital personnel who attended the messiah's landing, er, birth, came out and actually made that claim(and no, dingho, a pretend doctor to go with your pretend lawyer doesn't apply), otherwise I'd take that statement with a whole load of salt and spices.
    Crowing about such a feat only cements the idea that the area has been veeeery well-used and loose, in which case I'd say poor Whorely.

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  2. Bahhaahahaaa! You're right, it does feel good to laugh!

    If she popped that kid out of that stick body of hers, if he weighed 10 pounds and if she did it without benefit of pain relief and an episiotomy, then I'm the dingho pup's Fairy Godmother (wearing a rainbow coloured tutu and waving a wand that sprays rose scented unicorn farts).

    Of course there's one completely natural side effect of delivering a child of that size via natures way..... but I won't even type that here......

    But I will:

    * hotdog down a hallway (thank you Wanda!);
    * bowling ball down the alley;
    * didn't even touch the sides;
    * flapping in the wind;
    * the Great Wall of Va-China and
    * Stargate SG-1 (check out urban dictionary)

    Poor Whorely, I wonder if he likes squid on his banana?

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  3. Oh Joders - do you know how fabulous I think you are......

    I have been howling with laughter at the many varied ways you have described the mantis' nether regions now shes "announced" shes had a baby of that size without any help at all

    do you know, half of me cant believe she thought that was a good idea... and then i remember who we are talking about here....

    @ Bella - indeed!

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  4. Oh My God! "Great Wall of Va-China"????

    Yep, they're coming in from other offices to see what I'm cackling about...

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  5. Dude, labor was soooo painful..

    (HOW PAINFUL WAS IT???)

    It was so painful I was begging the hospiatl janitor for pain killers, and that's not a joke. It was the absolute worst phucking pain you could ever feel, my my contractions didn't even really get going before they shot me up.

    No joke, that shit hurt.

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  6. See all the typos up there? I was shaking thinking about how much labor hurt.

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  7. Joders, I think I will never be able to see SG-1 without thinking of what urbandictionary.com told my. Ewww
    Great post, Slapparr! At least this creepy showmance is good for a laugh sometimes. :)

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