Monday, 17 January 2011

Fat and Happy: A Practical Guide to Modern Household Management

How exciting, following on from the Shotgun: A Practical Guide to Weddings and of course my seminal publication Pleasure Urself: A Practical Guide to being Fat'n'Jellus I have now decided to grace your bookshelves with a third Book!

I realise the market for this one may be slightly smaller than the first two (you rather need to have either a wife , a baby or preferably both) but no matter! May I proudly introduce .....

Fat and'Happy: A Practical Guide to Modern household management

Its going to be kinda like the book Mrs Beeton wrote, with less emphasis on cookery and more emphasis on avoiding your inlaws and approaching motherhood from a fat'n'jellus angle!

I'm hoping that not only will you all find it helpful in your fat'n'jellus lives but it might also be of some assistance to Orlando. Judging by the latest set ups we've been graced with, he could do with some advice.

(The photo is a shot Orlando kindly posed for me on escape methods to be used on your inlaws.... though personally I think he could do with some more help - the bike idea was a good one, i dont know many MILs that would agree to a trip on a bike, but he underestimated Mama Mantis' drive to get in the press)

In the true spirit of a self help guide, it will of course be full of suggestions for products from the Ensurient Corpulence Range to compliment the theory, and I am also enlisting Wanda and Joders (as two of the fattest and most jellus people in the world ever (along with me obviously)) to help me both model the products and help me develop its own blog and facebook page, all the better for me to communicate with random online people close online friends and supporters.

Are you excited??
I know I am!


  1. Oh Slapparr! I feel so honoured to be a spokesmodel for Ensurient Corpulence and particularly your new book Fat and Happy: A Practical Guide to Modern household management.

    I have no doubt that I perfectly embody the Ensurient Corpulence brand. I have plenty of advice on motherhood since I am the very proud mother of the most beautiful and most intelligent child in the world. My advice on avoiding your in laws is not to get married. Since most of your readership are fat and jellus, that shouldn't be a problem.

    I have some fabulous ideas about new products for the EC range. I was thinking maybe a range of pre-mix cakes complete with dried lard and lard icing. We could even move into kitchen products like a trusty mix-master and a milk shake maker to mix up those yummy lard flavoured milkshakes. I can see the tv advertisment now, Wanda and I dressed as modern day fat and jellus June Cleavers convincing the world that everyone needs the whole range of Ensurient Corpulence Kitchen Appliances and a whole box of Ensurient Corpulence pre-mix cakes!

    I think I might need some of that Uniglo stuff that Orly models though, to give me that orange puffy look associated with being fat and jellus.

    What do you think?

  2. The baby has a name, and Mommy is already posing with her boob out!

  3. Joders, I'm so pleased you are willing to help me out with this new project, and you're ideas for expansion are brill too

    I'll see if Orly is willing to share some of his orange tan with us - but I totally agree that the Uniglo look is perfect for this campaign...

    lets do lunch? Can i suggest "The Lard House" as a venue - its a restaurant i've recently opened and it will mean we dont need to deviate from our diet !