A front cover

I was not amused when I saw that the front cover of the Sunday Times Style magazine said it was featuring "Miranda Kerr rocking this seasons new shapes"....

 I was much more amused to see that in fact it was every other model under the sun "rocking these seasons new shapes" and in fact our beloved Panty Mantis had a two page spread towards the back which largely featured a rehashed interview... and my favourite part of that interviews?

 That apparently her daily affirmation is as "I am a being of love and light"
 Interesting right?

I do affirmations too - mine is "I am a fat n jellus cow who wants Orlando all to myself"

for comparisons sake

Yesterday I demonstrated what an excellent Model Orlando is, Today its the turn of the Panty Mantis......

.....To demonstrate how much she has to learn! Here she is looking like she has a serious balance issue while manning a fan and an extremely pink handbag.

A blast from the past?

How come Orlando can go from looking like he far exceeds his 35 years on the planet to this.....

I always said the that the man rocks modelling..

Seksy

I think hell has just frozen over.... finally the PM and I have something we can 100% wholeheartedly agree on.... intrigued?

Well, according to HERE The PM doesnt think shes sekcsy! Along with rather a lot of the (obviously fat n jellus) commentors on the entry, I can categorically say I 100% agree with her! There - now dont tell me Im always arguing with what she says

(PS yes , I know Im fat n jellus and that the PM could bitch slap my obviously oversized ass any day of the week - ok?)

Expecting a flood?

Hoorah, its not often that I feel inspired to post nowadays - even the snark on the PM has got a tiny bit tedious, but THIS I couldnt ignore...



Leaving aside the colour and overall look (words have failed me there) She must be expecting a flood to have worn trousers that flap around her ankles like that....

Still its nice to see her handling the privacy invasion with such an enormous smile!

More fashion commentary

In all fairness, I dont think I can really direct this post at the PM - after all, she is a model - and modelling unfortunate outfits is part of the modus operandi.

ok so to the image



what a shame they missed out the leash in this design..

A tale in pictures

Poor Panty Mantis, she seems to be in some difficulty... Im glad she had some help on hand!

Owe Deayre , Ey'me loosinge mye bikini



"Canne yew helpe mee?"


"NO? Ok howe aboute Yew? yes yew yew'll do"



"whayte is wronge withe these peeple?? ah! Yew are backe againe...Yesse Yesse thaytes itte, I knowe itss a smalle bikini butte itte doesnte belonge in tehyre"



"RIghyte backe to mye beste powse!"



ETA: Obviously Im fat, jellus and want Orlando all to myself (in case you were wondering!)

its getting worse

Ok Ok Orlando - you have me - take the purple sweat pants off and *Maybe* we can revist the oversized phone....

Its catching!

Its not just Orlando, Here's Lenny look like hes an extra on Phonejacker...



I don't know about you fellow fatties but I KNOW there is something wrong when the the Hoff is purported to have one too..

WTF?

You've probably noticed that nowadays I keep my commentary on Orlando to a minimum on here. I figure he has more than enough to deal with having daily run-ins with the Panty Mantis without me adding to it.

However.... THIS I couldn't leave alone



Yes, your eyes arent decieving you, that is a nice discrete cutting edge mobile phone, designed for portability and convenience...... with a full on retro red handset attached !

Congratulations to the originator of that bright idea - so far its been about three days and Im still laughing my head off!

Ok Enough is enough!

Im putting my foot down.

What IS going on with the Panty Mantis and her wardrobe?

Much as I can in no way be counted amongst her resident fan club, this number of fashion faux pas, all in quick succession, is surprising even for me....

I wont repeat the mistakes of last week but present you with two more exhibits for your entertainment:

Exhibit A:



Im a bit lost for words.... yet again this outfit seems to be in direct confrontation with itself and her, and the less said about the hairdo the better... has she really sacked the stylist after all?

Exhibit B:



HOLY SEQUINS BATMAN!

the hair is much better in this, though the cleavage seems to be fighting for survival, but the dress...... again Im at a loss..

(oh and PS Orlando, while we are here, outfit down to shoes: great - with shoes - not so much, perhaps its worth leaving the trainers at home at formal occasions in the future?)

Help me make sense of it all fellow fatties, wanting Orlando all to myself isnt enough of an explanation for so much sartorial torment.

Seriously?

Now, I know the PM arent what you might call the best of friends, and its no secret that I dont hold her "casual" looks in high esteem.....

...but two public events in a row where it looks like her stylist is exacting her revenge...

Exhibit A: the tangerine sack that featured in yesterdays post



Exhibit B: (Im still not the stage where I can find appropriate words to describe my feelings on this)



That dress looks like its in a serious argument with itself..

Seriously PM, I know we dont get on great all the time, but I mean this from the bottom of my heart - SACK YOUR STYLIST NOW

Happy New Year!

I hope your all your fat n jellus exploits resulted in obscene weight gain and a renewed love of all things lard?

The PM has also provided us with a new year treat:



Perhaps she should consider a new stylist to kick of 2012 with?

When the going gets tough...

..... the tough get nekkid



or at least that seems to be our favourite panty mantis' answer to the sudden groundswell of the fat n jellus as yet another 'PM goes nekkid' photo shoot hits your screens.

Poor PM, she's going to need to employ a permanent nekkid photographer at this rate because its yet another day and it another fat n jellus person, intent on getting Orlando all to themselves AND completely missing the fact that shes "fiercely private" out there calling her a fame whore....

PM: for the next nekkid shot to counteract this, could you put a Xmas Hat on - we are firmly in the festive period afterall...

BTW the photo is of our Xmas get together this year, you can see that the lard-on is going well (and I thought the xmas horns were appropriate for me )

A fat n Jellus reading list

Good news everyone, our numbers our expanding to include several well known publications. There are just too many gems here for the fat and jellus for me to to start quoting from the articles in question, but Id be failing in my duty not to post the links..


Panty Mantis: The Debate

178 Minutes with the Panty Mantis (sounds far too long to me but anyway...)

The Panty Mantis is Lying to us (no s**t sherlock)


These early Christmas Presents just keep on landing, don"t they....

An early christmas gift?

Hear ye hear ye - all ye fat n jellus, salvation has arrived in the form of yet more wise words from the Panty Mantis.

No longer need you be sad and melancholic of your unworthyness. No longer need you cry into your family sized tubs of lard the PM has spoken words of comfort to us all!

In a recent interview she had reportedly said the following

"But now I always see myself as, like, equal to everyone."

OMG

Can it be true?

Is the fat and jellus crusade over as suddenly as it began? let me read on......

...... ah No - rightful order in the world is restored

"I can't feel bad about being who I am, just like the girl next to me can't feel bad about being who she is. Because a rose can never be a sunflower, and a sunflower can never be a rose."

that sounds like her version of "all men are equal, its just that some are more equal than others.."

Still, at least she wants us all to "embrace our own uniqueness"..... I guess thats back to the Lard and the specially adapted fridge then fatties !

What have we here?

While I have definitely lost enthusiasm for all things Panty Mantis

(i.e. PM, you can stop emailing me - I don't care how 'seksy" you are, I know Im "jus jellus", I "totally" believe that you understand the difference between at teaspoon and a tablespoon (honestly I do) and I definitely haven't seen Orlando's balls anywhere)

I couldn't let this one past... what is she wearing above her eyes??? Im so confused I'll offer a prize of a tub of lard for the best answers.

Happy Belated Halloween Fatties

I know you have all been very busy with you Lard parties (as have I of course). Interestingly the PM has also been focussing her efforts on halloween ..



....... funnily enough she dressed up as a praying mantis (in glittery panties) to shake things up a bit. Just a small word of advice though PM - perhaps you should diary check with your other VS models next year?

Holy Moly had this to say on the subject

"Generally New York fared much better than the west coast over the weekend (Paris Hilton as She-Ra - yuk), although Miranda Kerr's party, which she foolishly scheduled to run consecutively alongside Klum's, looked a bit flat, with the supermodel as circus ring leader (with an empty big top). "

Shame on you HM (and welcome to the ranks of the fat n jellus)

Dear God, please make this happen....

"The Victoria's Secret model also revealed she would consider following in the footsteps of her husband Orlando, 34, and try her hand at acting.
She said: "If someone approached me and it sounded interesting, I wouldn't be opposed to it, but it's not something I think about."

No, dont worry, I havent changed my mind about our dear panty mantis....

Just think of the opportunities for laughter she would give, even more so if it was something serious and grim, but Im sure that she'll be handing out the giggles whatever the script....

I think that would become a fat n jellus best seller!

Privacy Personified

I have to say Im almost feeling sorry for the Panty Mantis, the regularity with which her privacy gets invaded enjoying some quiet time with her son is so frequent its Obscene!

So you can imagine my horror to see those evul buggers at Now magazine have managed to get yet another shot of her and invaded her privacy once again... poor girl, if only they would all leave her alone....

Still she can take heart, look at all those other Celeb mums who are also suffering the same torture.....

PS Panty Mantis, if you need me to slowly go through the difference between a tablespoon and a teaspoon, I know we've had our differences, but Im here for you!