Post script

A small word of advice for Orlando before I go:

The days when you can call the photographers to take photos of you and your latest script and look like you don't want them there are long gone...... even when you do try to authenticate the experience with a one fingered salute, though i have to congratulate you on your lack of subtlety!

Oh, and you might want to have a word with someone about Ted C- he keeps doing the most cracking one liners about you and your new wife, though my favourite is still the business deal one :D

I'm Outta here

Its all got too much, first the super sekrit wedding, then the super sekrit honeymoon, then the super sekrit second honeymoon (which Orlando is apparently spending with his Ducati) and now a super sekrit baby.....

ONLY JOKING

Just away from a computer for a week.... I'm hoping that I'll come back to not only a super sekrit baby but also a super sekrit divorce... I know, its probably a bit quick even for them - but on the plus side it would mean they got into the gossip rags (something their antics so far have singularly failed to do by all accounts, despite their best efforts) as the worlds fastest relationship lifespan: Engagement, Marriage, Honeymoon, Pregancy, Divorce all in the space of 6 weeks!

Something to think about perhaps OB?

Dr D- Kerr and his Ducati

Not on a second super secret honeymoon yet then?

I think they are very lucky that Ted is taking such an interest in them - it keeps us all talking about their antics if nothing else!

Caption Time

"Those Phuckinge Delphee Bytches, whot do theye thynke theye arre. theye shoulde knowe eye'm far too busy to sitte on a computter! Eyem a internatunul soopermodul ANDE on mye honeyemoon with Orlandoe, (Even iff ti waz onlee phour days)"

Here are 4 reasons why Orlando is a lucky guy!

1) Her phace looks as it does above without the aid of an air brush
2) A see thru dress and stripey panties just scream class!
3) She has truly mastered the shot that says "look at my rings" though I must say Orlando needs further work on his
4) The rest of the world has seen her naked too. He must be so proud!

Funnily enough it seems Ted C is also fat, jellus and wanting Orlando all for himself...

The latest in a long line of wicked speculation over the driving forces behind our newly weds is as follows:

"Dear Ted:
Thank you for always calling out the games that Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom (Kerbloom) are trying to play on the public with this farce they have going on. What do you think of the announcement that they got married? No better way to try and prove you wrong than to claim to be married.
—Anonymous

Dear Skeptical About Kerr:
Let me ask you a question: is there any other reason why we're reading about these two in the news? There's your answer."


Nuff said Ted!

Our Honeymooning Couple

Finally! the shots we've all been waiting for

Miranda reading TSO and the rest of the gossip sites on her Mac with her new husband Dr. D, on their way home from the shortest honeymoon on record!

Maybe she spent some time showing Orlando how to use the one he carries around all the time - good on her, its a bit daft of him to carry it everywhere without being able to use it! Maybe he'll be less of a technotard in the future?

Treashur ureself...delayed??

I can't believe it - delayed again, how can this be? Maybe the super sekrit marriage plans have got in the way of this venture by Mrs. D....

How distressing, this means I will have to wait even longer to turn my life around from the fat jellus mire it has become...

But at least amazon now has an editorial up about it to wet the appetite (figuratively speaking of course - we all know she doesnt eat except when the paparazzi are there and photographing her)

Supermodel Miranda Kerr first book is an incredible collection of thoughts, memories and lessons that will put you on the path to self-improvement.

Its funny, I've always thought she had an incredible collection of thoughts too, though I've never thought they'd put anyone on a path to self-improvement..

Written for a new audience of young adults,
(excellent - targeting the young and vulnerable on how to be a panty model i see!)

this book has important lessons on self-confidence, inner beauty and acceptance that will resonate throughout their life journey.

Hmm lessons on inner beauty from someone that has shed loads of cash, is Mrs Douchebag, takes her clothes off for a living and has gotten progressively thinner the more column inches she gets - riiiiight!

It uses some of the classic wisdom that has inspired Miranda to achieve

Believe me when I say I cannot wait to here some classic wisdom from the panty mantis

including many thoughts from the founder of Hay House, Louise L. Hay, who has sold over 50 million copies worldwide.

So that explains why they agreed to publish it, perhaps they gave her a discount production rate

It presents incredible life story of one of the most successful international models today with down-to-earth life lessons that anyone can relate to.

Down to earth lessons from Mrs Goji berries and noni juice? Oh and I think the title of "most successful international models today" could probably be argued with too

It offers fantastic tips and beauty secrets.

Oh I bet it does, involving the entire Kora range no doubt....

I think what I'm finding most disturbing is that it has 284 pages..... is that in large type or something, or just lots of pictures of the Kora range?

yes, I know - fat....jellus.... want Dr. D all for myself, but on the plus side, once this is released maybe I'll be able to turn myself around?