Mr Tumnus is back

Mr Tumnus has made a reappearance I see.....

Treashur Ureself: Update

I have been overwhelmed with excitement over the Panty Mantis announcement about her announcement to the extent that I didnt know what to with myself whilst I waited for it.... so I headed over to her Mantis blog for some inspiration - and what do I read......

Whilst we have been idling away our time considering the merits of Killer collars and 3D boobies, another extract from treasure ureself has been revealed.

I'm so sorry I havent picked up on this before now. i'd like to say its because I've been so busy with life, but obviously someone as fat'n'jellus as me doesnt have one so that can't be it.. anyway - lets put the past behind us and concentrate on being our "incredible selves!"

You can find the latest update here in full but I think a few of the more salient points deserve closer attention!

Now I'll say this up front, I'm gonna ignore most of what the Mantis Mommy has said at the beginning (she's her mom and therefore understandably biased so we'll let her off!).

I'm also going to ignore the confusion I felt about the comment that our mantis is one of the top ten models in the world Is that like the GCSE grades now where you used to only get an A grade, now you can get an A* or an A** so an A actually doesnt mean what it once did. I guess in this situation it must mean you get top ten models.... top ten supermodels and then top ten supermodels of all time .

I like this one though:

" To be successful you just have to get up one more time than you fall down. Miranda has done that time and time again."

I'm quite impressed that Team Mantis are prepared to publicity admit that 99.9% of the PR set ups and rumours that our Mantis has planted or been involved in have fallen down - and I think we can all agree she's very good at getting up again ....

And then there was this one (yes we are back on those positive affirmations sigh) I thought this one showed a surprising amount of self awareness from our mantis:

"I have no limits – I am limitless. I decide what I want from life and everything I want is available to me. I believe in magic and magic happens.”

The panty mantis certainly is limitless in what she'll do for attention - the 3D boobies was just one of a long list of getting her tatties out in the name of fashion / art - obviously she is aware from the above that she is not limited by the concept good taste......

And in case it wasnt clear, I already know i'm fat, jellus and want orlando all to myself, please dont feel the need to point it out to me

A Paris Photoshoot....

Horrified as I am to see that our happy couple has had their privacy invaded YET again, I'm glad to see that our Panty Mantis has heeded my sage advice and headed out to get some maternity wear, I'm actually going to say something nice about one aspect of her outfit! Are you guys ready.......... I like her coat....its a nice shape.



I think i need a lie down after that.......

The rest of it of course i don't like, those 80's throwback drainpipes, her greasy phace and is that hairdo she something she's had sealed on for posterity .... but we'd be here all day if I started listing those

Orlando is again looking clean too, maybe thats because her enheightened sense of smell means that 3 weeks in the same T-shirt are over, for now.. apparently he's in Paris for a show . It must be nice for them to be back in Paris, back reminded of romantic times, just them - a horrified bystander and 15 of their best photographers, no wonder Orlando is looking quite so elated!

Its good to see Mr Big just happened to be in Paris at the same time again - He really is good at "finding" our hounded couple isn't he - or maybe he is just that "lucky"...

Sig: FAT....JELLUS........O 2 Myself

The Life of a Model

More footage has surfaced on you tube of OB doing the modelling thang for Uniglo, you can see it here...

I don't think that this is a fake tan company to be honest, for some reason Orlando isnt orange in the moving version of the advert, nor is he suffering from lock jaw or overkill of "blue steel" ... all criticisms that could be leveled at some of the still shots.. In both the 'behind the scenes' shots and the actual advert, OB looks his beautiful self so I say again WHY OH WHY DO YOU FEEL THE NEED TO PHOTOSHOP HIS ASS OUT OF EXISTENCE UNIGLO?

sorry, I obviously feel rather strongly about OB being misrepresented pictorially speaking....(you tend to feel that professional shots of him are the only bit of him left untarnished by Mantis if you are fat and jellus)

Of course if Uniglo was a fake tan company it would explain that awful interview section in the middle where its painfully obviously OB hasn't a clue what he's talking about, but I've covered that before.

ps Anomers: I didnt put this in the last post but obviously you have a memory like a goldfish so from now on the I will put a signature at the bottom of each post to help remind you... are you ready?

Fat, Jellus, want Orlando all to myself

An Australian Affair

Two posts in one day can generally be considered overkill, but not when there is quality information out there like this next one.....

According to here Orlando and our Panty Mantis are planning to give birth to Mini Mantis in Australia -

Nothing wrong with Australia you might think, and you'd be right (other than neither of them live there and I can imagine that Daddy would need to be away quite a bit on business, but I imagine given past form, that could work very well indeed for them)but its not that bit of the article that I'm finding quite so amusing...

Happily the writer of this article had also been "lucky" enough to contact a source close to our happy couple (I personally think that certain Mantis family members should have learnt from last time that this kind of behaviour gets them into hot water, but handily for us it seems they have yet to learn that lesson)

"They both love it there and of course Miranda's family will be on hand although Orlando is thinking of chartering a flight from the UK to make sure the whole family is there for the big arrival," added the source.

So, if you believe what you read, Orlando couldn't be arsed to fly his family in to witness his wedding, but now he's going to charter a flight so that everyone can witness the birth of his new offspring..... What I'm thinking is why stop there - they missed out on a full wedding, this could be their chance to celebrate

Wanda, Joders, I'm sure there is a role in there for you guys somewhere, can you dig out your dresses

Perhaps he could fly in a few of his favourite paparazzi for the event too, and I'm sure Lisa Ho could be persuaded to design a special "Giving Birth" dress for the occasion (though she'd probably need to make it out of something wipe clean....)

Uniglo

whilst we've all been focusing on the Mantis's 3D boobies more photos have emerged from the Uniglo campaign. I think the two on the left are Orlando, but Im pretty sure thats Orlando's grumpier and more orange twin on the right..

Seriously though, I'm going to say this again - why do they have to photoshop the hell out of him, he is a good looking guy, a few lines aren't going to decimate his demographic .... well not more than he's already managed with his pet mantis anyway

Boobology

Image: Orlando Bloom tries hard to maintain his dignity in the face of open ridicule

How exciting, the Mantis' boobies are now not only out in pictures so large the the diameter resembles a small roundabout, but they are also in 3D. Vogue have kindly put a enormous exhibition devoted to 3D photographs of her with her baps out - nice eh!

It seems that you too can have the experience of being up close and personal to the mantis' puppies.. What a proud day for Orlando - I wonder if he gets a proportion of the entrance fee for each guest, seeing as how its his "wifes" boobies up there on display in the name of art....

I understand why Orlando looks the way he does in this photo, but I am a little confused about why the Panty Mantis is looking excited - surely she's looked at them in a mirror before, or is because the little one, in her belly has started kicking her hard at the thought of lunches to come....

p.s: Yo! Anomers -Just in case you've forgotten I know I'm Fat, Jellus and want Orlando all to Myself AND cant appreciate stunningness when I see it - please don't feel the need to point it out - you must get bored of typing the same thing and I'm certainly getting bored of deleting it.....